24th October 2014, Friday.
I remember alighting at Bedok with you that very day. I don't exactly remember why I did it when I could have just continued my journey towards Tanah Merah, but I did. I think we were travelling with Xuliang and Rachel that very day, and staying in the train would have been really awkward so I left (sorry guys).
Anyway, I remembered that you were pretty upset, to over which I will not mention, but you were visibly distraught over it. It was slightly awkward (and maybe inappropriate of me too) to ask how you were feeling, but you decided to open up and talk about it anyway. I remember us taking a pretty long walk around Bedok that day because you didn't feel like going home. On the same day, after I comforted you, I also ended up in problems of my own. I remember receiving the call about my grandmother ending up in ICU when we were buying gongcha for the long walk back, and you told me to remain calm. We tried taking a shortcut by walking through a series of HDB flats towards your house (and succeeded despite not actually knowing whether we were on the right path or where we were heading to), and it was such a weird feeling walking a classmate home when I didn't exactly know you at all at that point of time, but I still enjoyed that very long walk nevertheless. At that point of time, that walk allowed me to put my worries aside, and it was a good feeling being able to talk anything under the sun (moon, actually) as we wandered around.
The next few days weren't any better for myself as my grandma never regained consciousness, but you decided to be there for me as well, despite your ongoing commitments to PW. I think I must have eaten up quite a lot of your precious time because all I can recall doing at the hospital was to text you and you did reply fairly quickly...
It was the first time we were there for each other, and it allowed us both to open up quickly. I remember us clicking almost instantly, having similar interests (especially food) and the same sense of humor, and we got really close not long after. We both swore to be each other's best friend just days after that very day, and we even actually started going out together alone as friends (even though many people probably would have found it really weird back then). From eating at Astons in the Katong branch after school, to that morning jog from my house all the way to Expo, to the several times we've been to Changi Airport to just relax and chill for no apparent reason, we went out more and more frequently. And all just because we happened to be around for each other when we were in our own moments of sadness, would you believe that! I'd have liked to believe that our meeting was not by chance, but rather by fate.
17th October 2015, Saturday.
Alas, it isn't meant to be.
Close to a whole year now, and we find ourselves at the same place where we used to be at this time last year: Strangers. It's funny how so much, yet evidently so little has changed over this space of a year. The only major difference is probably that you've made me into one of your biggest mistakes/regrets of your life, and we can no longer ever speak to each other ever again. Not like that will mean anything to you though, since you've already decided to discard everything related to us.
It's perhaps time that I, too, should do likewise. I don't know what has been holding me back for so long, but I've kept you in my head for too long a time. It's not a good feeling when my first and last thought continues to be of you every single day, and when I know my thoughts are very well never going to be reciprocated. You've convinced yourself that I am bad for you, I've destroyed the real you and made you into someone who you didn't want to be; Likewise, I can say that the same is happening to me as well. To miss someone who doesn't even appreciate or like you in the very first place seems extremely stupid and irrational now, but I was able to accept it because I wanted to be irrational, I wanted to be as irrational as you in the hopes that you'd feel the same as I do. If you're so able to only look at the negative aspects of myself and focus on it, then I really highly doubt your true feelings towards me in the very first place. Have I really blinded myself because of us?
Anyway, what I know is that it's a goodbye between us for now, if it is good riddance to me for you, then it shall be good riddance to you for me as well. As much as I can't do it for the past 3-4 months, I will clear my mind off you. No one should ever have to feel useless and discarded like the way you're making me feel right now. Never ever.
The two songs below speak of 2 possible outcomes; but only one of them can be achieved with maturity. What a shame.
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