So we're edging closer towards the end of 2014, and it is always obligatory to end of the year with a review! This was supposed to be the last post of the year but apparently everyone wants more of me so this MIGHT NOT be the last post??? HAHAHAH. I'll see if I can actually post in Thailand cause I won't be back till 3rd Jan (yes I'm celebrating the new year in the land of tom yum hahaha.)
Anyway, back to the point.
Honestly, this year, despite all of the positives, has really been a rather terrible year... In fact, it probably has been the worst year I've lived through so far. Being 18 has been a challenge and I don't think I have lived up to it as well as I thought I would have.
(-) Lost contact with many friends of my batch (bc of awkwardness)
(-) Missed out on many last moments I could have spent with them due to my fear of being awkward again (such as orientation, prom, graduation day)
(-) Didn't do very well in terms of academics as much as I liked to have, and am nearly losing the motivation to study again
(-) Inexplicably ended up being from best friends/couple to complete strangers in no less than 2-3 months
(-) Lost my paternal grandmother to unknown reasons (either old age, or concussion due to fall)
(-) Didn't perform up to expectations in my Grade 8 Cello Exam.
(-) Still finding it hard to fit in with my new environment at times (but only occasionally)
Yeah, It doesn't really sound much on paper but to me it does mean quite alot. For starters, I haven't learnt to tackle my problems, and I still continue to run away from them, I avoid awkward situations because I'm afraid, and I end up regretting that I miss out on opportunities just because I'm afraid and shy to face things boldly.
I haven't changed much, apparently. It's pretty evident.
But this time I can't get away with my mistakes, and it's time to stop being like this either. Being sad does not do me good. I think the number of times I cried this year (yes boys do cry stop it) have certainly exceeded the number of times I did the past few years combined. And it's so draining every time. Lets hope this doesn't happen again in the years to come.
Actually, if not for the past 2 months, this post would continue to be really dark. But thanks to these 2 months my life has actually brightened up quite a fair bit, and I've kinda forgotten why I've been so terribly upset for the few months prior to these. Perhaps I really have a terrible memory LOL.
But anyway, things that brightened up the year:
(+) I made many new friends! And I found another fantastic class in 5C33 (:
(+) Still managed to keep in touch with some of my closer friends
(+) Have a closer bonding with my cousins
(+)I still managed to get distinction for Grade 8....
(+) Actually somehow managed to become a role model (?!?!?!) LOL.
And this actually is something huge: I managed to get the Edusave CHaracter Award (ECHA!) Which is really big because less than 2% of students in every school can get this award and it's actually quite alot of money?!?! But I haven't received the cheque/money yet so I guess I'm looking forward to that next year hahaha.
However... That also means...
I'M (probably) GOING TO BE STANDING ON THE SCHOOL PODIUM. OFFICIALLY. FOR THE FIRST TIME.
That sounds good except for one thing: I hate being the center of attraction.... And it's damn awkward + paiseh cause everyone's going to be staring at you? (okay not really who pays attention during flag raising right) but I'm going to be part of the reason why everyone's wasting their time standing out under the hot sun too and I'll be feeling so guilty sigh. Not to mention how awkward it'll be to shake the hands of whoever's gonna be up there hahaha. Alamak now I really don't know what to feel about this ._.
Finally, events can keep you happy only for a short while, but it takes something to sustain that happiness over a relatively long period of 2 months. And that's why this is the one thing that really made this year feel really better even though it wasn't really supposed to be:
(+) I made a new, and real best friend.
This may not seem much to some of you, but I rarely (actually almost never) have any form of best friend. The closest I've had probably was when I was in P3/4 with this guy who moved from China (i was his first friend in SG and we became buddies), and when I talked really close to a classmate of mine in Y1/Y2.
But anyway, she (yes most of you who read this should know who this is) has been keeping me company for most of these 2 months, and I am so grateful that I decided to confide in her when my grandmother passed away. In fact, she's kept me pretty preoccupied to the point where I don't really think of the past anymore, and I am super glad for that. I'm really close to saying that I've finally moved on. Besides talking about anything and everything, she also took time to do stuff with me as well (it's amazing how much we have in common and how easy we can read each other too). This paragraph isn't the best because it's 2AM and I'm not really functioning anymore but I can't thank her enough for what she's done so far. This best friend thing may be temporary, or it could last all the way till As and beyond, but I am enjoying this at the moment and I really hope our friendship can last for a long time because people who you are able to be so comfortable with are such a rare find. (:
(but for those nosey and bagua people no we are not dating pls stop assuming lol)
I don't know what's to expect in 2015, but it's going to be a long, stressful and painful year. I will put my expectations for 2015 in another post, but I hope I will be really able to start again fresh from all of the negativity. Till then, hopefully I'll have the motivation to post something? HAHAHA.
(yes this post escalated real quickly to the end bc I am tired whoops)
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