(Don't ask me why I'm typing like this, I'm kinda trying something new hahaha.)
As the days go by, I watch as my friends from Y6 edge closer towards the end of the A levels.
Some have even already had the sweet taste of liberation.
Yet here I am, slowly heading towards the same destination, but with no aim and direction.
Tissa came over to study yesterday, and technically we really didn't do much, just a few math questions and then we ended up listening to songs and slacked.
I just didn't feel like doing anything related to academics.
Actually, I was quite okay with getting down to work, but I just got stuck at certain questions and I got really frustrated at myself.
And I gave up.
Why?
The feeling of failure.
It comes back to me again.
I felt no different from last year.
And once again, I'm running away from all of my problems.
Why do I even need to do academics when so many other people can do it too?
Shouldn't I be made to do better in things that others aren't good in?
What's the point?
Have I already reached the peak of my life?
What exactly do I really want?
Nothing really interests me anymore.
And I can't think of anything that I'm actually looking forward to in the future.
Getting into the army? Getting into university? Getting a job?
I somehow can't seem to imagine myself in any other situation.
Heck, I can't even seem to visualise myself having a family of my own.
Just what can I do?
I (think I) know my flaws, but I don't want to do anything about it.
I don't exactly know where my merits lie.
And I'm also too lazy to figure out why.
Just where have I gone to?
Sometimes all you need is a spark to get everything kickstarted.
I hope I find that spark soon.
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