#11: Strength.

Let's take a step back from now and move back to a happier point of time in my life.

I had a fantastic childhood, one that I could not have asked for any better. I'll talk more about it in another post, but as a kid I rarely felt unhappy. Maybe it's because I was less self-aware, and kids do have a shorter term memory loss so I managed to forgive and forget any unhappy stuff that happened by the very next day (or even the very next hour). In primary 6, I once almost got into a fight with someone with a classmate that I knew since kindergarten, but that was immediately resolved by a game of football just 1 hour after school. I guess being kids, we just liked to have fun and nothing else really mattered.

Fast forward 6 years and here I am, sitting right in front of my laptop, pouring out all my feelings which I can't reveal to people in real life into this blog. Being a teenager really isn't easy, and I kind of fear what the working adult world will be in the future.

Where has my will to forgive and forget gone? In the past, we would just let things go because we treasured the friendship more, but why can't we do so now? Why do we now develop insecurities and let them consume us? Do we really have to put on a facade, say politically correct stuff in front of others and then be a two-faced bitch behind them? What on earth has happened to us?

I am so emotionally weak. I'm a guy, yet I can't stop being so upset and hurt, even though I know that I should very well get over it. I'm so weak to the extent where I can no longer produce any tears (I no longer have any). I'm spent. I'm upset because I care. Should I just stop giving any damn about anything so that I don't have to put in any emotional attachment into it?

I've been clueless for this past whole week, just rambling on and on about how ****ing sad I am. And I still don't know what to do.

Where do I go now?


Quote of the Day:
"Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness;
and I would stay up with you all night, had I known how to save a life."

The Fray - How to Save A Life