I'm pretty sure that the next few weeks after this weekend are going to be pretty hectic; SYF's on the 20th of April (in 2 weeks, basically) and there's going to be loads and loads of extra practice because honestly, we're not prepared to go out there and play at the usual high standards that the previous batches have been setting. It's also probable that although it was pretty easy to achieve the Certifcate of Distinction, we might not be able to do so this year because we're really that bad. That isn't helped by the fact that the pieces we are playing primarily have huge cello melodies (because the cello section, surprisingly, is the biggest with 5 while the next largest section is the violin 1s with 3) and it is down to my responsibility to ensure that my section, at the very least, plays decently, which sadly isn't the case. Loads of pressure incoming.
Definitely, I'm not the only one who's going to be busy; A divisions and inter-school competitions have started for pretty much everyone else and for the performing arts, there's going to be the annual concerts as well (even if they don't intend to participate in the SYF). That too includes SE, and I just found out today that the combined concert with choir is going to be on 9 May (No more than 2 weeks after SYF but we have totally no preparation and reheasals with choir yet cause of SYF), so yeah, pretty much everyone is going to be busy and stuff. Good for me, I guess, because it'll be a long period for me to distract myself with so much to do but it's really going to put a lot of stress onto me, and considering that this REALLY is the final year in SE I should put up the best performance I've ever put.
Considering that, this is the period where everyone goes into the so-called "trilemma": balancing their recreation/sleep, studies and relationships with others. But honestly I don't think I'm having that problem in my life as of that moment, because of the bigger problems lying at hand:
1) I've pretty much burn out from studying (yes I can't focus on studying for too long) and I'm pretty much slacking since the March holidays, but now that the results are looming and I've started picking up some interest maybe I can return to full function once I'm done with CCA, which nicely ends approximately 5-6 weeks before JCTs, giving me enough time to prepare (assuming I don't procrastinate but I probably will LOL).
2) As much as I don't like to say this in front of you guys, I think the issue for myself is not to juggle my time between my friends and other things, but to even maintain my relationships with my friends in the first place. For sure, I know that everyone in class is friendly towards me but to what extent? I really cannot say I am particularly closer to anyone in the class (in fact, I think I've slightly distanced myself from certain people who I have been closer to at a certain point last year), and sure, we can have fun and joke around in school and all that, but what about things on a deeper level? Who can I trust and turn to whenever I need to pour my feelings and troubles out, whenever I need that extra source of comfort when I feel lonely, or even just purely spending time with me outside school hours? As of this moment, I can safely say that besides my best friend (who I have not gone out with for 4+ weeks running as of this moment), I have established no contact at all with anyone else outside school time, bar outings and that one time I went to Kwave with Xuliang and Tommy. I know that even though I can be friendly with everyone, life will still be pretty much meaningless if I can't even develop meaningful ones that will last me beyond school. And that kinda sucks, to be honest.I'm not sure if I have been the problem by distancing myself or being afraid to be the first to make a move; maybe it is a little hard for me to fully commit myself and put in my trust when I fear that I might not have the same in return. But I cannot allow this to continue any further either so if you're reading this and you think that you're willing and able to establish a more meaningful friendship with me, then come find me I guess...? Idk this is just damn weird of me to be asking smth like this on my blog LOL.
I really don't know what's going to happen in the next few weeks, nor do I know what everyone else is going to do either, but I guess this is going to be a very trying period for all of us and I ask for your patience, forgiveness and understanding in advance should I treat any of you unfairly the next few weeks due to stress and stuff, and I will also try to do the same for you all. I also think that we should be more mindful of each other during this period and hopefully, we'll all pull through in one piece, happier.
I hope everything will work out alright in the end. It has been a very trying period for myself, but I can see slight glimpses of hope somewhere. And I hope I'm right regardless of the decisions I'm going to take. May my trust prove itself worth in the end.
Till the next time I blog then!
I really don't know what's going to happen in the next few weeks, nor do I know what everyone else is going to do either, but I guess this is going to be a very trying period for all of us and I ask for your patience, forgiveness and understanding in advance should I treat any of you unfairly the next few weeks due to stress and stuff, and I will also try to do the same for you all. I also think that we should be more mindful of each other during this period and hopefully, we'll all pull through in one piece, happier.
I hope everything will work out alright in the end. It has been a very trying period for myself, but I can see slight glimpses of hope somewhere. And I hope I'm right regardless of the decisions I'm going to take. May my trust prove itself worth in the end.
Till the next time I blog then!
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