Let's start with things that happened this week:
1) Promotional Examinations
I can't say that all of my papers so far have been well at all. GP and economics were sucky because I couldn't think or write fast enough to answer all of the questions (I believe I will pass only or do well if I can hit at least 80% of my answers spot on), and Chemistry was just absolutely terrible because 1) I wasn't prepared and 2)Poor time management plus mental block just prevented me from trying my best and once again, I left at least 25% of my paper blank. It just felt way similar to last year, where I found myself clueless in every single area. And I'm very upset at myself for that. It's my second year in Year 5 and I expected myself to be at the very least, passing all my subjects with ease, but at the moment it really seems like I might actually end up in a very dangerous situation once again. As much as I think my physics has improved, I am not 100% sure that I will be able to score well for it and I really hope that I'll at least get passes for all my subjects (I'll give chem and econs some leeway for a subpass but in the end I'll still be really kicking myself for not passing everything.)
2) Cello Exam Results
Speaking of examinations and stuff, I got back my cello practical exam results. 132/150, which means that I did manage to get my distinction in the end. Was pretty relieved and happy considering that I didn't play up to my standards. However, I realised that the other 2 people who also took grade 8 in the music school all got distinctions as well, and one of them (my sister's friend, actually) managed to score a ridiculous high distinction of 146/150. As much as I'm really happy for her (I believe she's really hardworking when it comes to cello), I'm pretty disappointed in myself for not being able to reach that standard (I'm the lowest among the 3 even though my teacher expected me to easily be the top). And I didn't even manage to beat my target of 137 (set by my friend one year earlier).
That actually leaves me wondering: What on earth am I good at/for? I seem not to be able to excel in anything and even if I do well in something, there's always someone close by who's able to beat me easily at it. Not the best football (or any other sports in general) player, certainly not the best cello player (I don't even have any form of credibility besides my grade 8 certificate which is now considered puny relative to others while others have made it to the Singapore National Youth Orchestra (SNYO), and clearly I'm not good in academics at all (I'm a retainee for heaven's sake, stop making me sound like I'm so intelligent because if I really was I'd clearly not be retaining in the first place).
Oh yeah, and several people have been approaching me and asking me about the retaining process and stuff, and I'd just like to point out that as long as you are prepared to a certain extent, there shouldn't be much of a problem to promote unless you are as dumb as me because honestly all you really need to do is pass 1 H2 and 2 sub-passes for H2 + GP which is not the hardest of things to get. I understand that the chances of not passing are quite high (especially when you have shitty papers such as chem) but at the very least have some confidence in yourself? Fact: Less than 10 people retain every year (my year only had 6 and I think that's already a lot), so the chances are very slim, hence yall should stop panicking and worrying because only dumb unmotivated fools like me are that bad enough to get retained. You people just aren't as bad as I am.
(The irony of this paragraph is too damn high)
And I somehow find myself spending way more time on this post than I should so I'll end here because Math and Physics are waiting for me (especially physics). May the remainder of the papers be easy and please let me score some decent results at least (because I really have no more skill so I'm just praying for luck now)
Sorry for the rant but yeah....
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