30: Nothing But A Shadow.

Tomorrow's phototaking with SE, and I'm dreading it. No prizes for why.

It's going to be the first time I actually need to see her face to face for a long period of time, and I seriously doubt I'm going to survive this. But for the sake of my other Y6 CCA mates who will be taking this photo for the very last time, I've no choice but to go.

I haven't told any of them (but one) that we've broken up, and I don't think they have the slightest clue either. Last time I remembered, none of them actually seemed to have asked about our relationship, and one even sent a couple pic of me and her alone through the group chat. Can't blame them for that though, things would get as awkward as hell if they find out. But that's probably what's going to happen tomorrow. My plan was to pretend that nothing has happened in front of them, and I would talk to her as comfortably as I had been, but I know that's all probably going to fail. Given my current condition and fragility, I don't think my heart will be able to put up a brave front this time. I've always done it (and succeeded), but so help me if they choose to tease me and her as a couple or force us to do couple stuff tomorrow. My heart doesn't need any brutal form of reminder of my failures or even myself as a failure.

Chances are that they'll probably ask to go for dinner together. How do I reject them? I want to be around them as I haven't seen them in a really long time, but I don't want to be around her. And it's selfish of me if I request for her to move out of the way.

What do I do tomorrow? Stay away and continue to run away from my problems, or man up and tackle it head on, while praying that I come out of this collision alive?

Pray that I live after tomorrow. It's just a few snapshots, a few smiles I'll have to force, and then I'll rush off. I'll be free. At last.

If all else fails tomorrow though...

(P.S sorry for the super short post)