Don't know why, but I suddenly thought that it'd be interesting if I actually something meaningful here in chinese, but my chinese standards are simply too poor for me to come up with anything good HAHAHA. Nevertheless, the weekend has been rather kind to me I suppose!
My parents finally found out about my breakup on Saturday. I don't know why, but I just decided to be honest and I just spoke the truth out without hesitation when my dad casually asked about her in the car. I'd been trying to keep the news from my family for various reasons, but the biggest one of all would be that I was quite afraid of how they'd react to it. Being retained and stuff, my parents had warned me before last year that my lack of determination/ inability to bring any tangible form of security to her may possibly lead to her looking for someone better. I chose to believe otherwise.
Given that, I really expected my dad to give me a reality check and all that, mainly because to me he has always been the no-nonsense and really strict type of dad in terms of discipline at least, and I really took his words like nothing -- it just felt that I should have listened and I deserved that wake up call from him.
But he didn't.
He simply asked why, and then told me that things like this happen, but it's not the end of the world. And I was just so surprised by how he was so caring towards me -- he not only brought me out to eat my comfort food (like 台湾鸡排 and icecream), but also shared with me his past experiences with girls that he liked. The only time he did mention anything along the lines of a reality check is when he encouraged me to pick myself up and improve myself, but all he mentioned was that I needed to stand out from the rest if I ever wanted to find another partner, though I don't have to do so because things will come naturally as it is. And I was just really happy that he was so supportive of me.
It makes me wonder sometimes what I've put in for this family of mine, like I feel that I haven't totally done my job as a son. Perhaps it was because of one particular incident in the past, but I've never really trusted them ever since, and I feel really guilty for having done so. Communicating with me must have been a really tough job, since all I do when I get home is sit right in front of the computer and not leave my seat unless I need to do something else, and I never talk to them about anything really personal. To this day conversations with my dad are still rather awkward (I'm able to talk to my mum quite comfortably), and even during dinner yesterday we didn't really talk at all (I ate dinner with my dad alone) because I just couldn't find anything to talk to him about. I'm ashamed. I've never really thought of myself as selfish, but I have really been that towards my parents in particular, especially towards my dad. It's time that I should change for the better.
It's my dad's birthday next week, and I don't know what to get him. What present can I possibly offer to him when he can buy all the things he want with his money? And I don't know how to open up my heart either -- this weekend was a start, but I still don't think I'm ready somehow. When will I be ready?
Meanwhile, I hope tomorrow's concert at SOTA will turn out well. Doesn't look like there's enough practice but concerts always pull through somehow so you never know.
And I need to stop slacking. Time to return to work!
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